A recent Feministing post on transgender people having sex with cisgender people attracted many negative comments focusing on the “dishonesty” of transgender people.
First of I’d like to say that I completely agree that it is dishonest for a transgender person and a cisgender person to have sex, full-stop. We live in a world where notions of sexual orientation and gender are defined from a cisgender persective. Since transgender people don’t fit neatly into these cisgender definitions, we are always going to be dishonest.
I made a decision a while back to distance myself from me being transgender. I moved to a new city where no people knew my past, and since then have largely remained silent. The only people I told my secret to were in the LGBT community and mostly transgender people at that. And I thought living stealth was what I wanted, but it really handicaps speaking out on any transgender issue. Not least because of the fear of outing myself.
Too often it seems that any discussion of female sexuality either disregards or ignores transgender women (e.g. here). If being female is defined by having a female gender identity and not biology, then female sexuality can’t reasonably be defined purely in terms of having a vagina either.