I know I’m more than a little unusual, being both asexual and kinky. Yet, aside from the handful of people I’ve encountered with fixed narrow ideas about “the one true way” of being ace or kinky, I haven’t experienced much negativity from either community. Instead what I have more often come across is confusion and questions over how a person can be kinky without being into sex, or how one can desire kink without experiencing sexual desire (or attraction).
Kink and sexual norms
It is the norm to view kink as being inherently entwined with sexual behaviour. Kink is seen as something couples do to spice up their sex life. Kink is something that you do with the gender you are sexually attracted to. Kink is a part of foreplay, as a warm up to the main course – piv (penis-in-vagina) intercourse (cis-heterosexuality is still also treated as the norm in our society for some reason). Certainly most people outwith the kink scene view kinks in terms of these norms. And they are pretty common within the kink community as well. Continue reading