This was written for the December 2014 Carnival of Aces on “Touch, Sensuality, and Non-Sexual Physical Intimacy”
For me, BDSM is completely non-sexual and I never desire for it to lead to anything sexual. My mind just doesn’t make an intuitive connection between the two. The pleasure I get from BDSM is simply about playing with the physical sensations and emotional states that BDSM involves.
It might be ouchy, thuddy, stingy of impact play. The heat from dripping wax, or the cold of an ice cube. Or tickly, scratchy, soft sensation play. The coarseness of hemp rope. It might be feeling scared, safe, trapped, free, in control, vulnerable, powerful, comforted. Or the shared experience with a friend or partner, creating a beautiful play scene together. Being a canvass for another’s creativity.
For me, it’s not about being turned on or sexual pleasure. It doesn’t matter if I’m not sexually (or romantically or sensually) attracted to the other person. I do BDSM because I want to feel something, with my whole body, mind and soul. And as a way of connecting with a friend or lover.