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Does the Split Attraction Model work for me?
This is written for the February 2022 carnival of aces, on the theme of “can you conceptualize your identity and/or orientation in terms other than attraction?” Up until my mid-20s I was completely confused as to what my sexual orientation was. I swapped between thinking I was sexually attracted to women, to men, to both,…
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Non-Sexual BDSM
This was written for the December 2014 Carnival of Aces on “Touch, Sensuality, and Non-Sexual Physical Intimacy” For me, BDSM is completely non-sexual and I never desire for it to lead to anything sexual. My mind just doesn’t make an intuitive connection between the two. The pleasure I get from BDSM is simply about playing…
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Policing Asexual Definitions
One thing I really dislike is label policing. Claiming that one specific definition of an identity is the correct one, and objecting to anybody else who fails to fit it using that label. Many communities have these sorts of “correct definition” disputes. But disagreements over the “correct” usage of asexual, aromantic, and sexual and romantic…
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November 2014 Carnival of Aces – Round Up
Edit: added a submission from rainbow-after-the-stormy Thank you everyone who submitted a post of the November carnival of aces, on the theme of expectations in friendships/relationships. I’ve posted links below, but if I’ve missed anybody (or if you are still working on it) then please let me know 🙂 Laura writes about the weight of other…
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Sexual Expectations in the Kink Community
Being asexual in the kink scene feels strange at times. On the one hand, it is awesome. It’s generally acknowledged that everybody’s kinks are different, and so most people don’t take for granted that you will be interested in X,Y,Z (let alone necessarily with them). There is an emphasis placed on negotiating the kinds of…
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November 2014 Carnival of Aces – Call for Submissions
Thank you everybody who submitted something. The submissions can be found on the November 2014 Carnival of Aces Round Up page
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Asexual sex-positivism
Sex-positive feminism is far from perfect when it comes to asexual inclusion – or indeed including anybody who isn’t a white, middle-class, cis, straight, fully able woman. So I completely understand why a sizable portion of the asexual community steers well clear of this movement, where too many activists are openly acephobic and dismissive of…
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The “Unassailable Asexual” in Activism
This is written for the August 2014 carnival of aces, on the theme of the unassailable asexual I am a long way from being an unassailable asexual. I’m a rape survivor, had major mental health difficulties, have a libido, am kinky, trans*, genderqueer and non-monogamous. I’ve never quite worked out whether being aromantic or romantic…
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The meaning of “Cis”
If you’d asked me seven years ago if I thought the word ‘cis’ would enter mainstream language I’d have scoffed at the idea. Yet despite some cis people’s dislike of the word, it is becoming much more widely known outwith trans* and activist communities. Not only that, but mainstream media is paying much more attention…
Beyond the Rainbow
Musings on Neurodiversity, Gender and Sexual Diversity
Beyond the Rainbow 